Going to War with Your Spouse

The word compromise gets a bad rap. When I think of people compromising I imagine a place of war, two guys standing on a battlefield after days of violence agreeing to each other’s terms. They don’t like each other, in fact they were at literal war with each other moments before but now they have come to an agreement.

Do you ever feel like that’s what compromise in your marriage feels like? You are gearing up for battle, you’ve got your list of their faults as your shield and and angry rebuddles as your sword. You are feeling good, you’re going to get what you want because you DESERVE it. You shouldn’t have to lie down while they stomp all over you. You have pride, you have a running list of things you’ve done that they don’t do and if it comes down to it, you’ll just do what you want anyway.

Now here is where this all falls apart… compromise shouldn’t be me vs. him. That isn’t what compromise is about. In fact, the word compromise way back in the 15th century was defined as “a coming to terms, a settlement of differences by mutual concessions.” Now I’m going to be real with you here. I hate compromises in my marriage. I am a competitive person and deep down I want to get my way (neon blinking sign that says “child of wrath” should hang above my head). “Mutual concessions” is not my go-to move in my marriage.

Prior to being a believer I would argue back and forth and there were numerous times where there was no answer decided, we just moved on. Sometimes we just went to bed and woke up the next morning like it never happened. If you’re married you probably recognize these situations and are thinking back on your own arguments. That’s the silly thing about marriage, you’re going to fight. There is always going to be another fight and that’s okay. You have to learn to be okay with it (I’m still learning this).

When you live with someone you aren’t going to agree 100% of the time. If you mix in stressful jobs, commutes, family issues, friend drama, children, scheduling, chores, etc. it all becomes a hot mess pretty quickly. That’s why compromising needs to be important to your heart.

You’ve probably heard that we should both give 100% and I completely agree but sometimes the other person doesn’t have 100% to give. Maybe they have a big presentation at work, the baby isn’t sleeping through the night or they are having emotional struggles, the list could keep going. Sometimes we are giving 110% and that’s okay. There are times when “mutual concessions” are what will make your marriage healthier and stronger.

I’ve been compromising with scheduling recently to be able to attend a Bible study on Monday evening. I take our daughter to church small group and leave at 7:30 so she can be in bed at 8. My husband gets some time to himself and we both say goodnight to her together. Monday’s I’m not home in time to tuck her in and before we made this compromise I wasn’t usually home for bedtime Sunday’s either. Like I said earlier, I want to get my way but this was the compromise we all needed.

Compromising doesn’t mean rolling over or giving in. We need to remember that this isn’t a battle in the first place. This is someone we love and they have an opposing opinion that we should take into consideration. Compromising is showing grace and love to our spouse in a way that reflects God’s love and grace towards us. It should be celebrated and not shunned.

 

Thankful for the Terrible Twos

When you live with an almost 2 year old there are days that are full of sweet hugs and some days that are full of tears, whining and frustration. If I stop to remember that she wants to communicate with us and is trying her hardest I can sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) be okay with the whining.

This weekend has been a full of whining and tears type of weekend. We went to a theme park on Saturday and there were multiple times where she yanked her hand out of my hand. She wanted to be everywhere all at once and did NOT want to be carried, holding hands or sitting in a stroller. It didn’t help that she had bug spray, sunblock and sweat all over her hands. Today the family went to run errands and she was in the same mood.

My patience is almost completely depleted and we are about to start another week tomorrow. These are the moments where I struggle as a working parent. I want to enjoy the weekend with her and rest for the week ahead but I find myself in a down mood wanting to go lay in the bathtub.

Thankfully my faith and husband help me to kick the mood and enjoy my time. While doing my Bible study I read that this is all temporary which reminds me that although this season is hard, it is only temporary. My husband emphasized the good moments and helped me to see through the darkness.

Although I won’t be as rested as I would like, I have so many moments to be thankful for. In between the fits and tears there were hugs, cuddles and kisses. After the tantrums were pulling me by the hand to sit with her. This life has been blessed by our Father and I will keep reminding myself of that, even if my patience is completely out the window.

 

Satan, You’re Not Welcome Here

I’ve struggled with anxiety for the greater part of my life. I’ve seen counselors, doctors, taken medication, done yoga, breathing exercises and anything else I could find to get it under control. Thankfully, I haven’t struggled with my anxiety and panic attacks for over a year. There are moments occasionally where I feel anxious and it feels like the anxiety is in control again.

My husband was traveling for work and I thought I heard noises in the house. Logically I know it’s because the house is creaking but my illogical fight or flight instinct was kicking in. I laid in be in a panic until I remembered a phrase that one of the women brought up in Bible study. She said that when she feels like the enemy is trying to mess with her she says out loud “Satan, you’re not welcome here.” I never imagined myself saying it until I was lying in bed stuck in my anxious thoughts.

I started thinking it hesitantly and kept doing it until I was confident that he had no power. I fell asleep changing “Satan, you’re not welcome here” in my head. It might sound silly but it worked. He has no power over us, he is not our master, we can drive him away. He prays on our insecurities and in those dark moments we need to be confident in our Lord and tell the enemy to get out.

I don’t think telling the enemy to go away will solve my anxiety but it helped me to find strength through our Father. Now I find myself saying it in my head pretty regularly. If I’m being judgy, getting angry about something out of my control, or just not being a very nice person I tell the enemy to hit the road. I know that some of those things are my own sins, but in that moment it tells me to be looking up at what matters and just in case, tells him to get lost too.

 

Top Takeaways from Women of the Word

A topic my husband and I talk about constantly is time. We don’t have enough of it, aren’t using it wisely, thought we used to have none before we had our daughter but now we really don’t have any… I’m sure you have these same thoughts. What’s funny is, with as little time as we had before we have even less now. Time is a precious commodity and we all want to use it effectively. Sometimes that means we miss events, stay at home more and have less time for relaxing. One of the first things that I cast aside when I became a mom was reading.

When I was a kid, I used to devour books but as I’ve gotten older it’s become harder for me to find books that keep my attention. Then, when I became a Christian, I started picking up more and more books. I want to absorb as much as I can and the best way I’ve found is through reading. Along with the Bible, I’ve read books about faith, ways to study the Bible, devotionals and right now I’m reading a book about Jesus being key throughout all areas of the Bible. The problem that I have is I don’t have time to read as many as I’d like.

A New Series

I thought to myself “if only someone could read the books I want to read and give me the gist so I know whether I want to read it or not.” I know other women have to be thinking the same thing, so instead of waiting for someone else I decided to kick off my Top Three Takeaways series.

The first book I’m going to give you my takeaways from is Jen Wilkin’sWomen of the Word: How to Study the Bible with Both Our Hearts and our Minds.” My small group leader suggested this book and I’ve been lending it out since I read it. It’s a fantastic book, a quick read and it has so much information and wisdom jam-packed into 160 pages.

Below I’ve outlined my top three items that truly encouraged me:

 Bible Study

You Need Context

Something I never considered while reading the Bible is knowing the context. Who was the book written to, when was the book written, why did they use certain references and why was that important at the time? Prior to reading this book I read the Bible with the understanding that it is in the past, the people are apostles (in certain books) and that the Old Testament is just about the fall (I was super wrong btw).

One of the 5 P’s that Jen talks about in her book is studying with “Perspective.” Perspective can be defined as the “true understanding of the relative importance of things; a sense of proportion”. An example of this is the differences in culture now and when the book was written. Although people typically aren’t fans of the IRS we don’t go to the level the Pharisees do in the Bible. In Mark they showed as much disdain with Jesus eating with tax collectors as sinners; “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

The tax collectors at that time were Jews who worked for the Roman Empire. People don’t like paying taxes now, imagine if you were paying taxes to an oppressive group and your neighbor was helping them while lining their own pockets… If you didn’t know that, you might have been really confused at why they would be upset and the importance of Jesus eating with them.

Biblical Context

This is God’s Story

Our tendency when reading the Bible is to compare the stories to ourselves. I’ve seen myself as Doubting Thomas before and used the lessons in comparison with my life but ultimately the Bible is God’s story. It is His story about the creation, fall, redemption and ultimately restoration. It is about how great of a king He is and not about our trials. Now I’m not saying we shouldn’t rely on the Bible for wisdom but reading that the story is about God was eye opening.

Once I started reading from the perspective that God is at work in everything and the Bible is about Him and His plans my thoughts changed as well. When we think about Jesus laying his life down at the cross, we see it as our redemption moment but how must it have felt to turn His face away from Jesus and allow him to bear our burdens. His grace and love are magnified when I think outside of just my Biblical experience. It seems like common sense to know it has His story but until I read this book I didn’t see it.

In Timothy 3:16-17 it says “16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” So he has declared that we should learn from the Bible but we can also grow in knowing Him and His story through the Bible.

 

P’s framework

My process with studying the Bible had consisted of:

  • Reading scripture
  • Finding something interesting
  • Research that topic, verse etc.
  • Take notes
  • Continue reading

It wasn’t the worst way to study but I found after reading this book I could dig in deeper (also there is no wrong way to study). Jen came up with a framework that consists of 5 P’s that will help guide you in studying scripture. What I like about it is that I can really unpack what is going on and it slows me down. I don’t want to rush through the Bible just to say I’ve read it. I want to savor learning it and really enjoy going through His word.

Her P’s:

  • Purpose
  • Perspective
  • Patience
  • Process
  • Prayer

It can be a lot if you are trying to read the entire Bible quickly, but if you want to really understand the text, it’s so helpful. I did find myself even after reading the book, forgetting some of the P’s so I made myself a printable that you can download for free here.

Sneak Peak of the P's

I’m a fan of studying, highlighting, taking notes and digging in so a lot of these were just more tips on how to do them, that was until I read “Patience.” When I learn something, I want to learn it quickly and implement it just as fast. The Bible isn’t designed for that. He is a mysterious God and there are scriptures that we need to ponder. We are being sanctified and that can take time, which can be a hard pill to swallow (I’m very impatient).

If you do have a spare moment throughout the day or can take the time early in the morning, I would suggest picking up Women of the Word. It’s short and lays everything out in a simple way that makes sense.

If you have read the book and had different takeaways I’d love to hear them. You can leave a comment here, on the Mom Y’all Facebook or on the Mom Y’all Instagram.

How to Make a Unique and Effective Bible Journal

It can be a lot of work trying to find the perfect journal to keep all of your sermon notes, Bible studies, challenges etc. in and it can take a lot of money to find something that might not even be what you are looking for.

I recently cleaned out my office so I could actually start using it. If you are a planner/journal/stationary girl like I am, you know exactly what I found… notebooks and planners piled up on bookshelves and in drawers. Some of them had scribbles that went all the way to the center binding, others had a couple of pages worth of notes. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I spend so much money on paper? I’m a device person, it’s literally what I do for a living but when it comes to my personal life I want paper and a lot of it. I need to be able to be creative but I want structure, I want to feel like it is working for me and not against me.

I’ve spent a good amount of time and money trying to figure out my perfect way to plan and in the midst of this journey I found my perfect way to Bible Study. Before we get into that, I want to share with you some of the methods I tried before getting to this method.

DIY Bible Journal

What I’ve tried:

  • Bullet Journaling – Moleskine Notebook
  • Bullet Journaling – Moleskine Cahier
  • Bullet Journaling – OneNote
  • The Simplified Planner
  • Kate Spade Spiral Bound Planner
  • Kate Spade Zip Planner
  • Target horizontal planner
  • The 12 Week Year – Digital
  • Trello – Digital
  • Asana – Digital
  • Google Calendar – Digital
  • Outlook Tasks – Digital
  • Traveler’s Notebook
  • Regular Spiral Notebook
  • Thin To-Do List Notebook from Target
  • Whiteboard To-Do List
  • Standard Horizontal Happy Planner

Disc Bound Up Close

What Was I Looking For?

  1. Small enough to fit in my bag but big enough that I wouldn’t have to squint to read it
  2. Paper thick enough that my pens wouldn’t bleed through
  3. Customizable
  4. Space to hold:
    • Sermon Notes
    • Bible Study Notes
    • Printed version of the book of the Bible I’m reading
    • Calendar
    • Spare Notes Section

So yes, I was asking for a lot but I had been through enough versions (listed above) to know EXACTLY what I needed.

Disc Bound Realization

After trying my hand at traveler’s notebooks and liking the customizability aspect, I knew I wanted to try the Happy Planner that I saw everywhere. I watched a video from Sea Lemon about disc binding and making my own notebooks and had to have one. After I bought it however, I realized that what came in it wasn’t what I was looking for at all. Luckily, I grabbed one that was a horizontal planner instead of the blocks, which ended up working out (as you’ll see later).

So initially, I’m bummed because it’s not what I was looking for. Then I start looking on Pinterest and decide I’ll use the spare discs I had to make a notebook for Bible Study. It was the regular paper size 8.5″ x 11″ and I made covers out of cute files I found on clearance at Target. Unfortunately, this didn’t meet my first requirement, it was massive. It was big and wasn’t something I would want to just carry around with me in my bag. It was also pretty flimsy so I couldn’t use it for sermon notes either. Strike two with the Happy Planner disc option.

That’s when it dawned on me… I don’t have to use the Happy Planner the way it was designed, that is the entire point. So I took out all but the current and next month planner inserts and started working on my new book. When I bought my Happy Planner, I purchased a hardcover because somehow I knew I would need it and I’m so thankful I did. It’s what really helped this book come together along with free printable items.

Verse Writing

Supplies Used:

  • Paper Cutter
  • Happy Planner Hole Punch
  • Happy Planner Hard Cover
  • Happy Planner Month Inserts (Current and Next Month)
  • Thicker Printer Paper
  • Printer
  • Bible Book Printable – Ephesians 
  • Bible Study Printable – Word Before World [Well Watered Women]
  • Dot Grid Printable – Savor + Savvy
  • Decorative File Folders (Optional)
  • Happy Planner Faith Stickers (Optional)

Happy Planner Hole Punch

Steps – Printable Items:

  1. I took out all of the inserts I knew I wasn’t going to use leaving this month and next month along with the yearly view calendar
  2. I popped on the hard cover
  3. I went to the printable website and selected to print it
    • Sizing:
      • If it is something that is on a Word Doc you can actually specify the sizing (The size for a standard Happy Planner is: 7″ x 9.25″
      • If it is an item that is in a PDF form or another file type that doesn’t allow you to specify exact page size, use 84% in the print sizing option (Here’s a great post/videos about resizing)
    • Double-Sided:
      • I printed dot-grid paper and wanted it to be on both sides so I put the pages back in to the printer to print the design on both. Some printers have the option of printing on both sides but mine didn’t want to for whatever reason but I made it work.
    • Once you have printed your items, use the paper cutter to trim it down to size
    • After you have trimmed it down, use the hole punch to punch the pages
    • Pop the pages into the area you want them in

DIY Divider

Steps – Dividers: I wanted my items separated so they would be organized and easy to access.

  1. Cut the file folder in half using the paper cutter
  2. Line up one of the dividers that came with the Happy Planner and mark it with pen/pencil
  3. Cut the file down to size
  4. Punch holes with the hole punch
  5. Use faith stickers to decorate the front of the divider
  6. Pop them into the discs
  7. Pop the paper into the proper section

Things I Learned About My Style:

  • I can have my work and personal stuff separate – some methods suggest having everything together and I tried desperately to do this without any success. I’m sure it works for some people but it doesn’t work for my brain. All of my meetings are on my Outlook Calendar and tracking them in multiple places doesn’t make sense to my day-to-day.
  • I need to have my Bible studies handy so that I will do them during my actual spare time. There are times when my “Word Before World” challenge is done during my lunch time because I know it’s the only free time I’ll have that day. It also helps when I meet with someone from Church because I can just whip out my book and write down their wisdom.
  • If something is TOO structured I won’t do it but if it relies on me doing a ton of work I won’t do it either. For example, if it is a specific track x,y,z every day for 21 days and it isn’t a high priority for me but it’s in the notebook I’ll never do it. Something in me (being a child of wrath and all) doesn’t want to be forced to fill something out that isn’t important. I know I don’t “have” to but if it’s on the page it’s something I feel the need to do. On the flip side, if it’s something where I have to re-write everything everyday (looking at you BuJo) I won’t do it either. It just isn’t something I’ll take the time to do and I’ll miss a day and just get frustrated.
  • I like to have all of my Bible Study items together. Some people have a separate notebook for sermon notes, a binder for Bible Study etc. but I was finding myself not doing any of them if they were all over the place.

Ephesians Notes

Tips, Ideas and a Freebee:

  • You can use coloring book pages in your book as well. Cut them out, punch them and add them into your book.
  • A paper cutter will be your best friend. No lie, we tried cutting the pages the first time with an exacto knife and vices holding the paper in place… seriously that’s what we did.
  • Use washi tape to mark the dimensions on the paper cutter.
  • Just because you don’t like the way something is out of the box, it doesn’t mean you should chunk it all out. I ended up using the horizontal planner pages to do daily scripture writing and it’s the perfect size.
  • If something isn’t working for you, change it. It’s all about what is going to work for you and what you need to be closer to the Lord.

Mark Paper Cutter

When I first started studying the Bible I didn’t really know what I was doing. I just bought some study guides that had answers to questions and started reading. If you are looking to start studying the Bible, Jen Wilkin’s book “Women of the Word” is a wonderful place to start.

Fill out the form below for a free printable of her 5 P’s to studying the Bible.

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