I hate to admit that I was a terrible partner but I absolutely was. It’s embarrassing to say that for the first several years we were together my husband did 90% of the housework and cooking. I had a lot of baggage that made me believe that if I cooked/cleaned that I was subservient to my boyfriend/husband. I just couldn’t get it through my thick and selfish head that I needed to do my part. I didn’t want to be like my biological mother and I was so stubborn that I didn’t see the difference.
One day it finally sank in and I realized that chores weren’t a way to put someone in their place. It really was as my husband had been saying all along; they were just “things that had to get done.” Once I got over my baggage and selfishness, we started doing all of our chores together. I’m very blessed that he was patient with my nonsense. This is when a completely different issue popped up. He had his way of doing things and what all needed to be done but I didn’t.
Continue reading “Get Chores Done Fast”
I’ve been trying to find the words all day to sum up my feelings but nothing was coming to mind. I’m sad, angry, disappointed and devastated but it’s like my emotions are all trying to get through the same slot at the same time and there isn’t any room. My great-grandfather (Papa) passed away this weekend and I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. My grandmother text to let me know that he wasn’t doing well and it probably wasn’t going to be much longer.
That was Saturday evening, I planned on going over but he was already asleep when I asked. I changed my plan to go the next day but when I woke up Sunday morning, there was a message on my phone letting me know he was gone. Saturday night I had been a ball of nerves, upset and able to cry because all I could think was “what if.” Then Sunday, waking up to know he was gone and I knowing I should have gone the night before regardless of if he was asleep or not, twisted me up inside. I took today to grieve and to go over to his place to collect items that I wanted to keep of his.
Continue reading “A Heartbreak Before Christmas”
I believe God lines things up in a certain way to show us a path without putting us in a headlock and dragging us kicking and screaming. Back in July, he showed me a brightly lit path to Him. I’ve always had troubles with faith and feeling like I could believe in anything but over the Summer it was like fog lifted and I could see. I felt whole, it wasn’t a fake “oh look at me here at church” feeling. I did have impostor’s syndrome at first. I thought everyone was going to point and say “she doesn’t truly believe” because I didn’t know the stories that they were referencing. Luckily, I also was able to see that true believers aren’t going to point and mock. They want you to feel included and bring you closer to Him.
So, first God clicks the button and the light flicked on. Then, while I was traveling, the leader of the location I was at gave me a book. The only condition was to pass the book along to someone else. The book was Love Does by Bob Goff; it was about his life and Christianity. I devoured the book and passed it on to another colleague who is also a Christian. Bob is an incredible writer; and I call him Bob because after reading the book I feel like we are friends even though we’ve never met. He has such a refreshing perspective on the Lord and it felt like God was saying, “you’ve shown up for Church, you bought the Bible but see what else you can learn.” Shortly after, my husband booked a retreat for us to attend to keep strengthening our marriage, which was all faith based.
After feeling a hole for such a long time, it is such a relief to just feel His love and to love him back.
I was recently on a business trip out in California and as I was talking to some team members out there, I started to notice more and more that the parenting experience is very similar regardless of where you live. I had lunch with one mom and she talked about the pressure to breastfeed with her second child, even though she wasn’t able to with her first. People who were around while she struggled the first time were making comments like “well you are least going to try to breastfeed, right?” As the conversation progressed, we went through the typical mom conversation of pregnancy woes, hardships with giving birth, daycare and judgmental friends, family and strangers. It dawned on me after the workday ended and I was back in my hotel room that we had so much in common but came from completely different places and backgrounds.
This lead to an idea for a new series; Mom Chat. I’m going to interview moms when I travel to find out how we are similar, how we are different and to gather as much parenting knowledge as I can to use with P. I know there will be differences in opinions and different ideas about how to raise kids but I thought it was interesting finding common ground in a place where I don’t quite fit in.
Continue reading “Mom Chat – San Diego”
Today was a “feel like you’re drowning” kind of day. There wasn’t anything specific that made me feel this way and nothing terrible happened but it just had that feeling. I’m being self-conscious about the amount of weight I pull around the house and feeling guilty that I took a day to work from home last week to go to doctor’s appointments that I was overdue on. I’m heading out again for work and I know that husband and P will be alone again to face the daily grind down one person. Husband is always supportive but I feel like both worlds just come crashing into each other. I know I’m not two separate people but I feel like when I get home I’m different. At work, I can be decisive, act on instinct and speak in front of tons of people with authority. At home, I feel like a bumbling mess who forgot to switch P’s clothes to the drier and is hoping they don’t get that mildew smell.
Continue reading “Sometimes Things Are Hard”