“I’ll wash your mouth out with soap” was a phrase that I heard quite often growing up. You could also get a pop on the mouth or the ass depending on what you said. This wasn’t talking back because no one wanted the belt but saying something as simple as “shit.” I was driving listening to hip-hop in the car and I thought to myself ‘maybe I should change this so baby P doesn’t hear cussing.” The funny thing is I cuss in front of her all the time. My parents used to cuss when talking with adults and we heard cussing at family functions. It was known you weren’t allowed to cuss and no one was telling the other adults not to cuss in front of us. So when did the change happen, where adults are supposed to monitor themselves around kids?
I’ve seen cute videos with kids telling adults not to curse and the family thinking it’s so wise of them but if we would have told an adult not to curse they would have told us to mind our business and go play. I’m not saying that anyone is right and anyone is wrong I just want to know when this change happened. You have kids on television shows telling parents how dumb they are and then all over the news you have people complaining that the kids today are rude. Well shit, if I was raised being told that adults needed to cater to me, television telling me that adults were dumb and that I was brilliant I’d probably be a little snot too.
I tried to piece together why it has changed so much in just the short time I’ve been alive and I think it has to do with three things:
- Don’t want to parent the same way our parents did
- Stuck in a “give them everything I didn’t have” mindset
- Don’t want them to have to “get over” their childhood
Don’t want to parent the same way our parents did
This is an interesting one because there is always something that someone swears they will do differently when they have kids. Sometimes it can be as simple as letting kids stay up later or not restricting television access. It could be letting your kid go to sleepovers because your parents never let you or a million other things. The issue with this is your parents had to be right at some point (barring they weren’t abusive a-holes).Which leads to the kid who for some reason has a skateboard and is riding it in the middle of Target while their parents video it. Being a “cool parent” isn’t always the way to go either.
Stuck in a “give them everything I didn’t have” mindset
Now this is something we as parents are going to face coming up soon when she realizes that a cable isn’t the coolest thing ever. I didn’t get a car when I was a teenager (which I’m thankful for as an adult) and no one paid for my college (also thankful for). To me I learned lessons from buying these things on my own. There are parents who don’t see it that way and want their kids to have a vehicle because they never did or to have the nicest designer shoes because they got hand-me-downs. In this scenario, the result is entitled kids who think they deserve everything for simply existing. Heaven knows the world doesn’t need more d-bags living in loft that their dad pays for complaining on Snapchat that no one will invest in their startup.
Don’t want them to have to “get over” their childhood
Counselors make a killing helping adults get over traumatic events that have happened throughout their lives and especially their childhood. I can personally say that as someone who has seen a counselor I’ve promised myself I would do whatever I could to prevent baby P from needing to do the same. Here’s the thing though, I can’t control 100% of the situation 100% of the time. She could be picked on at school (I can already feel myself wanting to cry thinking about it), she could be a mean girl, she could have her heart broken by the same snot who rode his skateboard through Target… that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t discipline her to prevent her from having a traumatic experience. Abuse is one thing that I can’t understand and will never understand but telling my kid “no” will be a regular occurrence. I might need some help from my husband to stand my ground because that smile is so cute but she won’t always get her way. She won’t be the kid that we walk on eggshells around just so she is “normal.”
I doubt I’ll ever stick a bar of soap in baby P’s mouth or that I won’t ask someone not to curse in front of her but I’ll also bust her butt if she’s skateboarding in the middle of a Target.