Today baby P was fitted with her helmet that she will wear for the next several months. When I found out that, she had to wear one I was crushed. I felt like I did something wrong. I immediately reverted back to what I had always grown up thinking helmets were for. The only kids that wore them when I was young were children that had developmental issues. I know that is such a far place to jump and logically I know that she doesn’t have any of those issues and that this is to help shape her skull but I went there so quickly. The mom guilt fell on top of me so hard that I thought I would collapse. Did I not pick her up enough? Did I not play with her enough? Why didn’t I do something that would help her to not have to deal with this?
As silly as it is, she doesn’t mind it at all. She is sleeping fine in it, looks adorable and we are looking at getting it wrapped so it will look like a little tiara. Once it is done, it will be something that we never even think about again but I immediately blamed myself. After going over it with my husband, he brought me back to my home base of logical and methodical thinking. This is a temporary thing, I should be thankful that it is for such a short period of time, she is happy and healthy but needs a little help and that isn’t a big deal. There are some people who can’t afford to purchase the helmet but we can and thank is something to be thankful for.
I’ve always been someone who immediately second guesses why something has happened. Did I not do something right? Should I have made a different decision? Now that I have someone who will look up to me I need to set myself straight. Mom guilt is a real thing but I can’t let that mix with my already existing crappy super power of blaming myself for things. I need to follow the words of wisdom from my favorite podcast, She Reaches, and give myself grace. I’ve mentioned this in the blog before but I am making it a goal to go easier on myself. I push myself in a million different ways at work and at home but never on a personal level.
It’s rare (at least for me) to find people online that aren’t pushing an agenda. I don’t want to buy a weight-loss serum that will shrink my waist in 3 minutes. What I want is a group of people who give a shit about each other and want you to go further. I want to push other people, encourage them, and feel encouraged by them. I want to make myself the person that my daughter will be proud to call mom. I don’t want to find out that my daughter needs something to help her and begin blaming myself when there was nothing I could have done differently to effect the outcome. I want to give myself grace because it is what I need and what I deserve from myself and I’m sure all of you moms and non-moms do too.