All day today, a friend of mine has been trying to get me on the phone. I’m usually not the type to avoid a conversation but the times she wanted to chat I was knee deep in grocery shopping, driving, cleaning, putting away laundry, putting baby P down or feeding baby P. I felt awful and kept telling her, “sorry can’t talk at xyz” but I can text if you want. All I could think to myself was ‘I’m not a terrible person, I’m just a mom.”
It’s not that I don’t want to talk with her or that I want to avoid anyone for that matter. What it is, is that when I’m at the grocery store I use my phone as my list via iPhone Notes so my husband and I can add stuff real-time. When I’m driving it is the only moment of time to myself to listen to whatever I want as loud as I want that I get all day. When I’m putting away laundry it is in silence with Rock-a-Bye Baby playing Blink 182 while soft snores come from the corner of my room. I don’t want to risk laughing loudly or talking above a whisper because she might wake up and decide that she is never going to sleep again.
I have friends who had kids before I did and I didn’t get it. I really didn’t understand why they couldn’t just load the baby up and come eat brunch. If you have been around small humans, you know that they hate car rides (unless it is to nap during), don’t want to try new foods, hate busy restaurants and want to be anywhere but where their parent wants to be. Although baby P isn’t at the age yet where she throws tantrums in restaurants I know it is coming any day now. I know you don’t have to have a child to understand and empathize but it is such a reality check. I hate being late to pretty much anything and now I just completely throw timelines out the window on the weekend. As soon as she is ready to go she pooped her pants. Once she is loaded in the car seat, she has decided to throw up on herself. Everything revolves around them.
I’ve come up with 3 things I want my friends to know about me now that I do have a baby:
1. I’m not avoiding you, I do want to see you and talk to you but my free time has been reduced to almost nothing
2. You are just as important to me as you were before I just have someone who is completely reliant on me who I love that trumps everything else
3. Bear with me for a little while and I’ll be back on a semi-normal but different routine and we can proceed to hang out again
I don’t want to seem like I’m on a high-horse of “parents have a harder time with scheduling” but my schedule has never been so packed.
We do love you and miss you.
Yours truly but not in this exact moment,
A tired and busy mom