A Not-So Perfect Holiday Season

This holiday season it hasn’t been difficult necessarily to get in the Christmas spirit, it’s just been a slow process. With P only being a little over a year old, she doesn’t “get” Christmas. The meaning of the season, the lights, the joy all of it is a little more than she can understand. One thing she does love about the holiday season is the Trolls Holiday Special. She can watch that on repeat all day long and would have no issues. There were so many things I wanted to do to celebrate together as a family but the days flew by and now it’s Christmas Eve night. Santa will be coming for a certain good girl and the grandparents will be over to see her get her Santa gifts for the first time. Although we didn’t get to all of the things I would have liked to do I know that there is more to the season.

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A Heartbreak Before Christmas

I’ve been trying to find the words all day to sum up my feelings but nothing was coming to mind. I’m sad, angry, disappointed and devastated but it’s like my emotions are all trying to get through the same slot at the same time and there isn’t any room. My great-grandfather (Papa) passed away this weekend and I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. My grandmother text to let me know that he wasn’t doing well and it probably wasn’t going to be much longer.

That was Saturday evening, I planned on going over but he was already asleep when I asked. I changed my plan to go the next day but when I woke up Sunday morning, there was a message on my phone letting me know he was gone. Saturday night I had been a ball of nerves, upset and able to cry because all I could think was “what if.” Then Sunday, waking up to know he was gone and I knowing I should have gone the night before regardless of if he was asleep or not, twisted me up inside. I took today to grieve and to go over to his place to collect items that I wanted to keep of his.

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Little Miracles

Stepping out of the office today we were greeted by a sight not common for south Texas. Little flurries of ice were falling from the sky trying their hardest to cover every surface available. It was beautiful to see the light reflecting off the ice as it fell to the ground, it was not so beautiful to be in traffic with Texans who are not accustomed to driving in the snow. As a native Texan myself, I give them slack because weather here is like a grab bag any given day. In the winter, some days it’s 20 degrees and other days it’s so hot that people are swimming on Christmas. Either way, the drive home ended up being a lot longer than it typically is which means a lot of time to think.

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