After a week of snot and exhaustion, I headed out for a work trip hoping that I would feel better before the plane hit ground in Houston. Luckily, I was feeling a ton better and only had a little bit of an issue with my voice at the beginning of the day. The trip went well and although I didn’t get to say goodnight to P every night I was gone it felt nice to take a breath at least in one area of life. I missed her like crazy but I was so busy in and out of meetings, catching up on emails and plane hopping that I didn’t get a chance to be sad. Then when I was lying in bed at the hotel in the big empty bed, I felt it. I started looking at videos of her on my phone and sending pictures to my husband that he maybe didn’t have. I missed them but I love what I do and what I do involves being away from them sometimes.
Baby P is allergic to milk protein, which means for the first month of her life all she did was scream because we had no idea. This lead to nights running into days and hours becoming a series of feed, rock, hold, soothe, snuggle, feed, scream, scream, scream and finally go to sleep while lying in our arms. You would think that now that she is actually sleeping we revel in the fact that we only have to wake up a couple of times a week at four a.m. to get her up… but no. We are thankful that she is a good sleeper and that we started sleep training so early on but we still argue about who is going to get up with her.
This morning I had to motivate myself to get out of bed. My daughter and husband are both sick and I’ve been sick for a little while now but I am well enough to go to work (and not contagious). My alarm went off several times and each time I turned it off then set another for ten minutes, fifteen minutes, twenty minutes out. This routine started at 5:30 and didn’t end until 7:40. At 7:40, I started telling myself in my head “get up! Get out of this bed!” but it was so hard. It was cold, my husband was snoring all night because he is sick, the baby snoring and making loud sick noises and my being sick kept me up off and on all night. This morning my body was almost at its breaking point of saying “pick another day, this one is not it.”