Standing at the sink all I can think to myself is “this makes sense.” When everything is crazy hectic, the dishes make sense. They are dirty so they need to be cleaned. We have a set amount of dishes; they need to be ready to go for the next night, so into the sink they go. You can only fit so many bowls, cups and silverware in your dishwasher, so once you are at your max, you know you’re done (unless you hand wash the rest). My mind has been going all over the place lately; when the water finally gets hot enough to actually clean I can just let myself be calm and think about nothing else.
I was recently on a business trip out in California and as I was talking to some team members out there, I started to notice more and more that the parenting experience is very similar regardless of where you live. I had lunch with one mom and she talked about the pressure to breastfeed with her second child, even though she wasn’t able to with her first. People who were around while she struggled the first time were making comments like “well you are least going to try to breastfeed, right?” As the conversation progressed, we went through the typical mom conversation of pregnancy woes, hardships with giving birth, daycare and judgmental friends, family and strangers. It dawned on me after the workday ended and I was back in my hotel room that we had so much in common but came from completely different places and backgrounds.
This lead to an idea for a new series; Mom Chat. I’m going to interview moms when I travel to find out how we are similar, how we are different and to gather as much parenting knowledge as I can to use with P. I know there will be differences in opinions and different ideas about how to raise kids but I thought it was interesting finding common ground in a place where I don’t quite fit in.
I just had to do something I swore I would never do… use a cloth napkin as a tissue. I know, I’m gross but I didn’t have a choice. Let me explain how this came to happen…
P is climbing on me coughing in my face but I love her cute cheeks and so I let her. She chews on her hands and then rubs them on my face trying to stick them in my mouth. It’s when she is being the cutest that I slip up and let her stick her sick germs in my mouth or near my face. This was on Monday, a day I had taken off to relax and get ready for upcoming travel starting on Tuesday. Monday my nose starts running and I’m not feeling so hot but eh I shrug it off thinking it’s allergies. Then when I’m sitting in the airport at the butt crack of dawn I realize I have her cold. I’m hoping that it’s a 24 hour thing and that it goes away before my first session, I wasn’t that lucky.
Today was a “feel like you’re drowning” kind of day. There wasn’t anything specific that made me feel this way and nothing terrible happened but it just had that feeling. I’m being self-conscious about the amount of weight I pull around the house and feeling guilty that I took a day to work from home last week to go to doctor’s appointments that I was overdue on. I’m heading out again for work and I know that husband and P will be alone again to face the daily grind down one person. Husband is always supportive but I feel like both worlds just come crashing into each other. I know I’m not two separate people but I feel like when I get home I’m different. At work, I can be decisive, act on instinct and speak in front of tons of people with authority. At home, I feel like a bumbling mess who forgot to switch P’s clothes to the drier and is hoping they don’t get that mildew smell.
This past week has been tissues, boogers, gunky eyes, and doctors’ appointments. Baby P and I have pink eye and respiratory issues. It sucks to be out of work and working from home because you are sick, but it’s even worse when you need to take care of someone else who is also sick. Exhaustion kicks in after a couple of days and you want to snuggle them to make them feel better but you don’t have the energy. As a parent, you pull all of the remaining energy you have to ensure that they are comfortable and are starting to feel better.