A successful marriage isn’t something that just happens. You don’t meet someone and fall in love then everything is roses, sunsets and happily ever after. Like most things that are worth a damn, it takes hard work from both sides. I didn’t marry someone who is exactly like me and I’m sure you didn’t either. Your differences are what make you love the other person but it can also drive you to want to let the air out of their tires in the middle of the night. Everyone fights, everyone disagrees and the people who are successful learn and grow as people and as couples. That’s all fine and dandy, you are growing and learning and adjusting but then BAM another person has entered the ring.
The times where you could walk out of the room and go drive around to cool down while the other person also cools down are over. There is a little person who sees you two as their whole world and you don’t want to have knock out drag outs in front of them. This little precious face lying on the blanket or bouncing in their exersaucer or whatever it’s called need you.
So now, you have situations arise where you need to have a conversation (i.e. get pissed about something) and you have this sweet baby right there. How do you handle it? Do you walk into a different room where they can totally hear you and yell at each other? Do you yell at each other in front of the baby? Do you speak quietly and calm-ish while smiling at them to try to keep them feeling like everything is fine? Alternatively, do you just pretend nothing is wrong and sit in your pissy pants?
I’m not a parenting guru, I’m still very new to this and I’ve never known how these types of situations work. No one’s marriage is perfect and I do think that working on yourself, your marriage and your family should be a high on everyone’s priority list. I’m not perfect and I can be annoying to my husband and I’m sure Baby P thinks “mom get out of my face with that phone,” but there is more love in our home than I can remember having at certain points in my life. Everything worth having is worth working towards or something like that so here is how I’m working on it:
- Try not to take every bump in the road and make it seem like you are about to fall off a cliff. I’m an absolutes person when it comes to emotions. I’m very quick to think that mole hills are Kilimanjaro sized mountains.
- Listen to feedback and not take it personally. I can take criticism at work and learn from it but when it comes from my husband, I get so upset. I take it as him pointing out flaws when in reality he is trying to help me.
- Work on myself to make all of us better. I need to start doing the things that make me happy so that I can bring that happiness to the family. When you are bitter or upset you just bring down everyone around you.
- Be open to change. If there are changes that need to be made I’m going to try and tackle them head on instead of resisting because I’ve gotten my feelings hurt (this is combination with listening to feedback and not taking it personally).